FROM BIG BROTHER TO SOUL MATE

 OUR LOVE STORY (ADEOLUWA'21)

The Genesis

Adetola and I have known each other from our early months (for me though, I came to this world before her) and we attended the same church right from childhood. We grew up in the same area and our parents were best of friends. Interestingly, her mom was my mom’s best lady when she got married to my dad, her brother happens to be my best friend and my sister was her best friend. In fact, our parents would buy the same clothing style for us during festive periods (Aso Odun), I’ve always liked her. When we were young, I do go to her house before church time and tie her gele for her (childhood romance?). Well, I just wanted to be that big brother and friend that would be there for her; I saw a great potential that needed to be nurtured. 

Underground Love

Things changed with time, in 2010 after her secondary school education, we got closer (thanks to 2go). We’d go hours chatting and gisting on 2go. I became more interested in her, her wellbeing, her academics and everything about her. At a point I noticed she started relating with me in a different way from my friends in Church. She had a good relationship with us all but freer around them in my absence and shy the moment I am around; she was always very careful and selective with what she says when I am present. She is a very lively and outspoken person but she’d become very quiet and gentle once I come around. I wanted to know why she treated me differently from others in real life while we have conversations till midnight online. At first, I was scared to make the move… no! I was not going to make the move at all. So, I remained her secret admirer/crush until I discussed it with one of my friends (Mark). I remember Mark wanted to know her; he wanted to speak with her and somehow I eventually found a way to link them up. 

The Plot

At this time, I was an undergraduate at FUTA while she was seeking admission. Mark started pestering me to tell her about my feelings but I kept asking myself the “what if” question (what if she says no). The reason is, we’ve been friends for so long and I was like “if she says she’s not interested in me, there is no going back to the friendship that I now cherish so much.” I was also scared of making my intentions known because of her brother (my best friend). You know how things are with best friends and dating your best friend’s sister… It wasn’t as if he knew me as a bad person neither was I. I was only scared of how he’d feel about it and whether he’d approve of it or not. Eventually, I made up my mind to take the bold step on the 22nd of January, 2012 and I devised a well-crafted method to go about it. In those days, we’d most likely log-on to 2go at the same time in the evening because we had each other’s daily routine itinerary. That Sunday after seeing each other at church, I informed her I’d be travelling back to Akure as school was resuming for the New Year that week. We said our goodbyes and as I got home, I decided to intentionally ignore her calls as I embarked on the journey knowing that she would get worried about my whereabouts if I keep ignoring her calls. I also did not log-on to 2go (which was very much unlike me). 

Out of the shadows

As I had predicted, she got very worried, she wanted to know if I had arrived safely. As a result, she reached out to Mark who was the one person who would know my whereabouts as we school at FUTA together. Mark, being aware of the stunts I was pulling played along and told her he hadn’t heard from me also but he would try his best to get in touch with me and get back to her ASAP (Geng!). I didn’t show up at all that evening and she had reached out to Mark again, at this time her worries had risen to about 95% and Mark kept telling her he was yet to get a response from me still. She had made several attempts to call me using people I know around her but I ignored them all also. The following Evening, she was with one of my friends (Anthony) and she decided to call me with his number which I didn’t save on my phone. I fell for it and that was how she finally got through to me, but I teased her; asking her that why would she be worried about me? Do I mean that much to her? I went on to ask all these questions and as expected, she denied all saying she was only looking out for me to ensure I arrived safely and that was all. We agreed to talk better on 2go at our usual meeting time. Online later in the night, I told her I was just trying out an experiment on my three female besties (she was the only one actually) to know which of them cared more about me and I stressed emphatically that she was not part of the three ladies at all. I further told her that they all failed the test but she, though not part of the experiment, went the extra mile to look out for me. Somehow, I asked her out from that conversation and she was shocked and dumbfounded. She couldn’t say anything else that night but managed to tell me to give her some time to think about it. I took that as the cue I needed and I went ahead to promote myself from being just a brother and a friend to being her “boyfriend”. She eventually gave her consent to be in a relationship with me on the 23rd of February 2012. 

Dating was like…

All along, I didn’t inform her brother (my best friend) about the move until after about 1year but he already found out and decided to keep quiet about it. He gave his blessings to us and told me he’s glad I am the one dating her because he is confident that she is in safe hands. The relationship started and she became a student at Federal Polytechnic Ado-Ekiti while I was in FUTA. We could only see each other when I am in Ado-Ekiti and that only happened for a few weekends and during semester and session breaks. I never visited her at her school even though she’d always want me to come around. Apparently, we had a long-distance relationship but we were always online sharing each moment and carrying each other along with our daily activities. It went on like that for 2years until she gained admission into FUTA for her undergraduate degree while I was in my final year in the same institution. That was the only year we got to spend in each other’s company throughout our dating period. Just like me, she also could not inform my sister (her best friend) about the relationship then and when she eventually did, they stopped being friends for a while (for whatever reason). They later reconciled and became friends again; she is going to be her Chief bride's maid.

You can make it work like we did

A lot of people believe long-distance relationships don’t work but I’d say it can and would work if the parties involved are ready to make the necessary sacrifices though it is very demanding. We would spend hours online together just telling each other about our day (and every other thing). There were times when we would have misunderstandings and our conversation would be cold for days but we always find a way to sort out our differences. 

It hasn’t been easy walking this journey for nine years, but we’ve given our best through it all and we made the promise to stand by each other. This is why we are here today about to start the forever-journey together. I'm glad I will be spending this forever with my darling ADETOLA.

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