GIFT FOR GIFT MINDSET

 GIFT FOR GIFT MINDSET


People's perception and response to each other's actions is a mystery. 



I would rather give last, than take last, that's just how I'm wired. I indubitably know the genesis of this problem is my name. I mean, why would any parent name their only daughter Gift!🤦‍♂️

My natural response to every gift I receive is payback. This is me thinking out loud, why is it called a GIFT if it is not exactly free? If it comes with the burden of wanting to give back? Until I give something back, I feel like I am in debt. 

If I am this benevolent, shouldn't I expect the same attitude and response from others?


  My friend- Adams and I grew up and practically live life together. Our birthday gifts have been unaltering since age Sixteen. It is fair that we both have one birthday each yearly, the equation is balanced. 

When I completed my masters degree, he got me a pair of sneakers. It was easy to be me because his law school graduation was just a month after. I got him a smart watch and my mind went to rest.

I guess Adams noticed over the years that his friend couldn't but give back every gift, he probably felt I was being competitive. You don't think so too, do you? Sincerely, I just feel the balance only comes when I give back.

Adams got married a year before I did. I got him a huge art work of himself and his bride. He loved it so much that he got me nothing for my wedding. 

About three events have happened since then and I have gotten him something on each occasion. Adams in 5 years have not gifted me a pen. He earns more than I do, so he could if he wanted to.



He is leaving the country with his family in a week and I really don't know if the days of gifting are over. Part of me want to gift him hoogesomely but another part of me feel he owes me enough gifts already.

I am not even excusing myself but I really think he ought to have gifted me something in the past 5years. He had enough chances, now the equation is not balanced in my mind and it's disturbing. 

Should I get Adams a gift regardless?

Is 'gift for gift' mindset bad?

Do you ever feel the burden to give to someone after getting a gift from them?


Please let me know in the comment section, help me lift this burden.


Talkwithkemistry

IG @tawk_magazine

#tawkyourstory

Comments

  1. AnonymousOctober 31, 2022 at 3:44 AM

    Yes I do feel the nudge to give back once I've received. It's the attitude of liberated minds. You never want to truly feel entitled to someone cause you received a gift from them. Most times I believe no gift comes without an intention. It always bears in itself a force(the motive to which it was given).
    However, I don't ever feel entitled to receive from the person I give to once I've given them. I will always receive when I give, but from what source? I leave that to the Creator's hands to decide. So give your gift and expect not, but be assured the Universe also never wants to owe you, so it'll always give back to you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousOctober 31, 2022 at 4:37 AM

    Finally someone is seeing this gift concept the way I see it. What's the point if giving me a gift wen you are expecting something back

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousOctober 31, 2022 at 4:38 AM

    I think you should play the bigger person and give him something, at least for the last time

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousOctober 31, 2022 at 5:53 AM

    I love to give back too but not as a burden, it is a matter of choice no pressure at all

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousOctober 31, 2022 at 5:55 AM

    Mehn i be dey think this thing like few weeks ago o. So no be only me dey always think this thing.

    ReplyDelete
  6. DaveOctober 31, 2022 at 5:56 AM

    I always have a mixed feeling each time someone gift me. The feeling of "awwwn, so thoughtful " and the feeling of "jeez! I have to return this favour" lol I guess it's just human nature

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousOctober 31, 2022 at 11:24 PM

    I think you should learn that people will not always return a favour, God is your rewarder. Keep giving

    ReplyDelete
  8. Grace, your bestie.November 7, 2022 at 1:46 PM

    Yes, I feel you what you feel Gift. I always feel the need to give something in return to what I've received.
    But recently, I've discovered this is the mindset of someone who doesn't know how to receive love. It's a love issue.
    If you make it a 'gift for a gift', you'll never discover the love behind the gift you have received but you'll perceive gifts as entitlements because you expect them to give back just as you do.

    Adam probably saw through you and has decided to show you that it's okay to receive gifts without making it into a competition. Although I think 5 years is too much and I also believe he should have sat you down, as the close and good friend that he is, and be honest with you about how he feels about you giving back gifts for every gift and not just shut down giving you gifts for 5 years.

    I truly hope you learn to receive love Gift, because at the end of the day, everyone needs love; to love and be loved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TAWK MagazineNovember 10, 2022 at 8:40 AM

      Who bestified you?
      Thoughts well put together! This is pure wisdom. Thanks for tawking Grace.

      Delete
  9. TAWK MagazineNovember 10, 2022 at 8:44 AM

    Lol. Definitely the name.

    ReplyDelete

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